Today was a really hard and emotional day for me. Selena has been really difficult lately and she has now officially been announced that she is going through the "Purple Crying" phase. If you have never heard of this, join the club.
Mark and I watched a video over this right before we were able to bring Selena home from the hospital. The hospital is helping parents prepare for different scenarios and the "purple crying" video was one of them. I honestly didn't even take into consideration how real this was, because in my head I was thinking it was going to be a breeze like Emma. However I was so wrong. Selena is the complete opposite of what we went through with Emma.
I should have known, that every child is different but now it has officially set in that what we are dealing with is something hard to handle and cope with. Just imagine, your little one crying non-stop. Diaper is changed, you fed them, they are burped, you hold them, and absolutely NOTHING helps. She has gotten a lot better throughout the night but during the day, she is up all day crying. I have tried everything and nothing works. The only thing we are told is that it is just a phase that we have to ride out.
It's so hard when you are already tired, have another little one that you are watching, juggling the emotions of trying to help the baby stop crying but also not breaking down yourself. I get very frustrated because I want to do a good job, but I can't help her and so for me that means, I'm not being a good enough mother. It's hard to not loose my cool by just yelling and telling her to stop. It's hard to even admit that but I know I'm only human, and I have my downfalls as a mother. I know she doesn't understand and for all I know this time is confusing for her, and she is the one who is suffering. I pray so much. I ask God in the moment to give me peace, and help me help her. Purple crying is hard to hear, and hard to deal with, but I can't give up. Selena has a long way to go, and I know that she will hopefully get over this obstacle too, but until then I have to be strong for her.
When mark got home, I burst into tears. I felt like such a bad mom today. I knew that I needed to hold it together more, and I couldn't. Emma literally has no reactions to Selena. Even in the middle of Selena's worst crying, Emma will continue about her business as if nothing is wrong. I'm glad it doesn't because it would probably be ten times harder if Emma would start crying because of her sister. So thank you God we dodged a bullet on that one.
This was a hard topic to bring up, because it shows my flaws as a mother. I share my real emotions, and reactions because I know that I am not alone in this. I want to encourage the moms and the dads who deal with difficult kids to remember that we are their support, example, and always their go-to. We may not see that we are helping in the moment but I'm sure they feel comfort in not being alone. We have to love our kids daily, and by loving them we have to show them our patience, kindness, and ability to support them.
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